The real truth of me starting this blog was actually to find an outlet for how I was feeling, truth be told maybe if I had written what I wanted to several weeks ago the past few weeks might have been much different. I have for a very long time suffered with depression, I have destroyed my life on more than one occasion and have never sought help. A few weeks ago this changed I noticed the warning signs and went to my GP who prescribed an anti depressant and a few weeks off work. All told I felt that I was in control but in reality I was so far out of control that I didn’t even know myself. In time I hope to explain those feelings but for now I can only say that the depression spiralled into self harming and thoughts of suicide. Thanks to my GP and my local CPN I was taken to a place of safety and spent a week on an assessment ward. I honestly feel that if I had not received the help I did I would not be writing this.
The stigma of mental health is still present in every day life, I have spoken to a lot of people ‘in the system’ and all express the feeling that those of us with illness of the mind are treated much different to those with physical illness. We are to ‘man up’, ‘get a grip’ and ‘pull ourselves together’ all very useful bits of advice if you happen to have something to grip or even know which bits need pulling. My GP was sympathetic and understanding but the answer was medication, even my week on the ward whilst a safe place not once did I receive any kind of talking therapy although the nurses were always willing to chat. I want to write this so that I can document my journey and I want people to read it because it may be of help even if it only raises some awareness of mental illness.